Attention Gym Goers!

Picture this, you're in the gym and you just got done with your last set of squats. Your legs feel like jell-o right about now. Quick! Before the swoll goes away! Head over to the leg press machine to polish out your leg routine. . . Oh shit. Not this f---ing guy. . . .
     Why in the name of God would you sit on the leg press machine TEXTING. And that's not it, you approach him to ask him how long it will be and he always has the same lame answer, "Oh, uhh. . . just one more set, bro." First off, don't ever call me "Bro" again. Especially when you have completely ruined my quad swoll. Second, hurry the F up! Why are you staring at the ceiling and looking around when I am ready to murder someone in a fit of rage over here. Don't be the "Oh uhh... Just one more set, bro." guy. I will find you and beat you down. That is a promise.

Besides that guy, there are several types of people in the gym that really make me want to pull my teeth from my gums. So here are the top 5:

#1- The Super Soaker. That random guy who always works out super hard and then leaves behind a lake of sweat on any machine, bench or surface that he comes into contact with. It is completely unfathomable as to how much liquid is secreted from this human's skin. Gross man, grab a few dozen towels and clean it up.

#2- The Watcher. This guy (or sometimes a group of guys) shows up to the gym and lets other people work out for his/their enjoyment. This man would be better off ditching the shaker bottle and bringing some binoculars. At least make it less obvious that you are watching! Either lift a weight or go home and invest in an adult entertainment website.

#3- The Wannabe Personal Trainer. According to this guy, everyone in the gym is in the prehistoric fitness age, and everyone will die-off without his "superior" fitness knowlege. He will always jump in and be quick to point out everything that you are doing wrong. Whether it's your breathing technique or how you put chalk on your hands, you are a fitness retard according to this guy. I'm pretty sure he tried to correct his mother's breathing technique when she was giving birth to him. No one else is willing to say it but I will. We don't know you, nobody wants your advice, go f--- yourself.

#4- The Talker. Everyone knows him. That friendly guy who will always be there to talk to you in between sets. Whether it's the new band to whom you've been listening, or which types of supplements you are currently taking. We get it dude, you are like a girl and you love to talk. Talking is not always a bad thing, but it can be inhibiting others from concentration within their sets. So do us all a favor, either join a speech and debate team, or zip it.

#5- The Weird Guy. It doesn't matter what time of day you show up to the gym. This guy will always be there. No one has ever actually seen this guy working out, but everyone has seen him either pacing around, stretching, sitting on machines, lurking in the locker room, or standing outside of the showers. Basically he is Slenderman: Gym Edition. He has no friends.Does this guy have a life? Is he homeless? Is he a serial killer? No one will ever know.

If you can think of any other gym-going persons whom I have forgotten to mention. Please leave a comment in the comment box. Much appreciated!